Is An Open Relationship Right For You?

maturesinglesf on December 17, 2025

Let’s be honest for a second: the dating rulebook we grew up with? It’s pretty dusty. Back in the day, the path was simple. You meet someone, you get married, you stay monogamous forever, and that’s that. But life after 50 is all about rewriting rules that don’t serve us anymore. Maybe you’ve heard friends whispering about ethical non-monogamy over wine, or you stumbled upon an article that got you thinking. Now, you’re wondering about the open relationship pros and cons and whether this unconventional path might actually be the breath of fresh air your love life needs. It’s a big question, and there’s no single right answer—only the answer that works for you.

Understanding The Landscape: What Does “Open” Even Mean?

Before we dive into the deep end, let’s clear up the murky waters of terminology. “Open relationship” is a bit of an umbrella term. It’s like saying “I like wine”—do you mean a crisp Chardonnay or a bold Cabernet?

When people talk about opening up their relationship, they usually mean they have a primary partner but agree that it’s okay to see other people sexually or romantically. This is distinct from cheating because everyone involved knows about it and consents to it. It’s all about transparency.

Here are a few flavors you might encounter:

Swinging: This usually involves couples swapping partners for recreational sex, often at parties or clubs. It’s generally more about the activity than deep emotional bonding with the new partners.

Polyamory: This translates to “many loves.” It’s about having multiple romantic relationships at once. It’s not just about sex; it’s about having genuine emotional connections with more than one person.

Monogamish: A term popularized by Dan Savage, meaning a couple is mostly monogamous but allows for occasional exceptions, like when one partner is out of town or for special occasions.

Solo Polyamory: This is where a person has multiple relationships but doesn’t have a “primary” partner they live with or share finances with. They prioritize their own autonomy above all else.

Navigating these definitions is the first step. You don’t have to pick a label right now, but knowing the menu helps you figure out what you’re hungry for.

Weighing The Open Relationship Pros And Cons

Okay, let’s get into the meat of it. Why would anyone want to complicate their life with more than one partner? Or, conversely, why stick to one when the buffet is open? Listing out the benefits and drawbacks can help clarify if this lifestyle fits your personality and emotional bandwidth.

The Pros:

Freedom and Autonomy: You get to explore different sides of yourself. Maybe one partner loves hiking and deep philosophical talks, while another loves dancing and lighthearted fun. You don’t have to pressure one person to be your “everything.”
New Relationship Energy (NRE): You know that giddy feeling when you first meet someone? In an open dynamic, you can experience that spark again without having to leave your long-term partner.
Better Communication: Paradoxically, open relationships often require better communication than monogamous ones. You have to talk about feelings, boundaries, and jealousy constantly. It can make your primary bond stronger.
Less Pressure on One Person: As we age, our needs change. If your libido is high and your partner’s isn’t, an open arrangement can take the pressure off both of you, removing guilt and resentment.

The Cons:

Jealousy: The green-eyed monster is real. Even if you think you’re evolved, seeing your partner excited about someone else can sting. It takes a lot of emotional work to manage.
Time Management: Dating takes time. Texting, planning dates, getting ready—it’s a lot. Balancing a primary partner, a career, grandkids, hobbies, and a new flame? It’s a scheduling nightmare waiting to happen.
Social Stigma: Not everyone gets it. Your kids, friends, or neighbors might judge you. Navigating the world as a non-monogamous person over 50 can feel isolating if your social circle is traditional.
Emotional Complexity: More people means more feelings. You aren’t just managing your own emotions; you’re considering the feelings of your partner and your other partners. It can be exhausting.

Is Polyamory Right For You? A Self-Check

Deciding to step outside monogamy isn’t like picking a new paint color for the living room; it’s a fundamental shift in how you relate to people. It requires a specific kind of emotional constitution. If you are sitting there thinking, “This sounds fun, but scary,” that is totally normal.

Ask yourself these hard questions before you download any new dating apps:

How secure are you in yourself? If you need constant reassurance or view your partner’s attention as a finite resource that is being stolen from you, non-monogamy will likely be torture.

Do you communicate well? Can you say “I feel insecure when you text her at dinner” without screaming? Emotional regulation is key.

Are you doing this to fix a broken relationship? This is the biggest red flag. Opening a relationship to save it is like having a baby to save a marriage. It usually accelerates the breakup.

Do you have the energy? Seriously. Relationships are work. Do you want more work?

If you value deep autonomy, have a lot of love to give, and don’t get jealous easily (or are willing to work through it), you might be a good candidate. If you crave predictability, simplicity, and total enmeshment with one person, stick to monogamy. There is zero shame in knowing what makes you feel safe.

How To Navigate Open Relationships Successfully

So, you’ve weighed the pros and cons, done the soul-searching, and decided to give it a whirl. Congratulations! Now the real work begins. Moving from theory to practice is where the rubber meets the road.

Navigating this new terrain requires a map, or at least a really good compass. You can’t just wing it and hope for the best.

Establish Clear Boundaries

Before a single date is planned, sit down with your partner and hash out the rules. And I mean specifics.

Sexual Health: What are the rules on protection? How often will you get tested?

Veto Power: Can one partner say “no” to a specific person the other wants to date?

Time Limits: Are weekends reserved for the two of you? Is there a curfew?

Sleepovers: Are they allowed? In your shared bed or only at the other person’s place?

Disclosure: How much do you want to know? “Don’t ask, don’t tell”? Or do you want all the juicy details? (Tip: Start with less detail and add more if you’re comfortable).

Take It Slow

There is no race to the finish line. You don’t need to date three people by next Tuesday.

Start by reading books together (like The Ethical Slut or Opening Up).
Maybe start with just flirting online before meeting anyone in person.
Check in with each other constantly. After every new step, ask: “How did that feel? Are we okay?”

Own Your Feelings

When jealousy strikes—and it likely will—don’t blame your partner. Instead of saying, “You made me jealous by dancing with him,” try, “I felt insecure when I saw you dancing with him because I was afraid you were having more fun than you do with me.”

Owning your feelings allows you to process them constructively rather than turning them into weapons. Remember, the goal is to expand your happiness, not destroy your foundation.

This lifestyle isn’t for the faint of heart, but for many mature singles, it opens doors to experiences and connections they never thought possible later in life. Whether you decide to open up or stay happily exclusive, the most important thing is that you are making the choice consciously.