5 Subtle Hints To Let Your Lover Know They Are Awful In Bed
Reentering the dating world after 50 can be both exciting and nerve-wracking, especially when it comes to building intimacy with your partner. Intimacy is a crucial part of any romantic relationship, but what if your time together in the bedroom isn’t leaving you satisfied? Bringing up this delicate topic can be challenging, but it’s essential for the health and happiness of your relationship.
The good news is that there are subtle hints for better intimacy you can use to help improve your connection without risking hurt feelings. If you’re wondering how to address bad intimacy gently, we’ve got you covered with five discreet yet effective approaches.
Why Honest Yet Gentle Communication Matters
Before we get into the subtle hints, it’s important to understand why this conversation is worth having. According to a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, sexual satisfaction significantly increases overall relationship happiness, particularly in older adults. However, most people aren’t mind readers. Your partner might not even be aware of your dissatisfaction, which is why clear but considerate communication is important.
Providing feedback kindly isn’t just about protecting their feelings—it’s about setting the stage for a deeper, more fulfilling connection for both of you. Without further ado, here are five tips to help you get started.
1. Suggest Exploring New Things Together
One of the easiest ways to address bedroom issues is by suggesting a new activity you can try as a couple. This keeps the focus on discovery and shared growth rather than singling out what isn’t working.
For example, you might say:
- “I read about this fun couples’ massage technique—want to give it a try?”
- “Maybe we could try taking a dance class together and see how it improves our rhythm?”
Why it works:
- It keeps the tone positive. You’re not framing their habits as a problem but as an exciting opportunity for both of you.
- It opens the door to dialogue. A suggestion like this invites curiosity and exploration rather than defensiveness.
Bonus tip: According to research by the Kinsey Institute, couples who explore new activities together report higher sexual satisfaction. A win-win!
2. Compliment What You Love Before Offering a Suggestion
This approach is all about balance. Begin by highlighting something they’re doing well, and then gently suggest trying a different approach for even better results.
Here’s an example:
“I really enjoy the way you take your time, but I think it would be incredible if we tried [specific idea] next time.”
Why it works:
- It shows appreciation. Focusing on the positives first ensures your partner feels valued, not criticized.
- It softens the feedback. Suggesting alternatives feels less like a critique and more like an invitation to enhance an already good thing.
This method also helps you improve a partner’s bedroom skills without making them feel inadequate.
3. Use Humor to Break the Ice
Humor can be a fantastic way to break the ice when bringing up sensitive topics. It lightens the mood and makes the conversation feel less intimidating.
For instance, try saying:
- “I read somewhere that [funny stats or anecdote]—maybe we should take notes for extra credit!”
- “Should we become researchers and figure out the ultimate guide to the perfect night?”
Why it works:
- It takes the pressure off. By making them laugh, you’re showing that this isn’t something to stress over.
- It creates a relaxed atmosphere. When people feel more at ease, they’re more open to discussing sensitive subjects.
Pro tip: If humor comes naturally to you, it’s a great tool—just be sure your jokes are kind and not poking fun at your partner directly.
4. Share Stories That Introduce New Ideas
Sometimes, the best way to bring up an issue is through a story. You can mention a friend’s uplifting experience, an article you read, or even a fictional anecdote.
For example:
“My friend said introducing [specific activity] brought them even closer as a couple. I wonder if that would work for us too!”
Why it works:
- It depersonalizes the feedback. Framing the topic as something someone else experienced reduces the emotional impact.
- It encourages curiosity. Your partner may feel inspired to explore something new without feeling criticized.
Sharing relatable stories makes it easier to address bad intimacy gently while still opening the door to change.
5. Focus on Emotional Connection First
Physical intimacy thrives on emotional connection, so one way to subtly inspire improvement is to focus on building that bond. When your partner feels valued emotionally, they’re more receptive to making changes physically.
What you could say:
“I love how close I feel to you when we spend time together. I think our connection could go to the next level by trying something a little different.”
Why it works:
- It prioritizes the relationship. Framing your feedback around connection reinforces that you care about the relationship as a whole.
- It feels encouraging. Instead of highlighting negatives, this approach leaves them feeling appreciated and motivated.
Fun fact: A 2018 study by the American Psychological Association showed that couples who communicate their feelings experience up to 40% higher intimacy satisfaction. Prioritize connection first, and the rest often follows naturally.
When to Push Further (Gently)
While these subtle hints for better intimacy often do the trick, there are times when a more direct approach may be needed. If you’ve tried these hints and the situation remains unchanged, it might be time for a heart-to-heart conversation.
Start by emphasizing your love and commitment and then share your feelings in specific, non-blaming terms. For example:
“I feel we have so much potential to grow together in this area, and I’d love for us to explore new ways to feel closer.”
Scared to start a conversation? Remember that intimacy improves with practice—both emotionally and physically.
A Fresh Start for Mature Love
Relationships after 50 come with unique joys and challenges, and physical intimacy can certainly become one of them. But by using these subtle hints and focusing on positive reinforcement, you can improve your partner’s bedroom skills while strengthening the emotional bond you share.
Dating at this stage of life is all about building a partnership that’s respectful, loving, and fulfilling. By approaching sensitive topics with kindness, you’ll nurture a relationship where both of you feel seen, supported, and satisfied.
Looking for more tips to on finding love and navigating intimacy after 50? Explore articles, advice, and stories on Mature Singles Finding Love to make your dating experience as joyful as it should be.
