Does Your Partner Hate Sex? What You Can Do To Keep BOTH Of You Happy
Finding intimacy in later life can be deeply fulfilling, but what happens if your partner seems uninterested in sex? Low libido can cause significant tension in a relationship, leaving one partner feeling undesired and the other feeling pressured or misunderstood. However, this doesn’t mean you’re destined for a life without physical or emotional connection. With communication, empathy, and actionable steps, you can rebuild intimacy that works for both of you.
Below, we’ll explore practical steps for how to improve intimacy while addressing the challenges of mismatched libidos or a sexless relationship.
Understanding Low Libido in Your Partner
Before tackling the issue, it’s important to understand why your partner might have a low sex drive. Many factors can influence libido, including physical health, mental well-being, and emotional connection. Some common reasons include:
- Hormonal changes – Natural declines in testosterone or estrogen can reduce sexual desire.
- Medical conditions – Chronic illnesses like diabetes, heart disease, or thyroid disorders can impact libido.
- Medications – Certain antidepressants, blood pressure medications, or even over-the-counter drugs may lower sexual interest.
- Stress and fatigue – Everyday pressures can exhaust emotional and physical energy.
- Relationship dynamics – Unresolved conflicts or a lack of emotional intimacy can make physical intimacy less appealing.
Understanding the “why” behind your partner’s feelings can help foster compassion instead of frustration. This is the first step toward finding mutually satisfying solutions.
Open Communication is Key
One of the building blocks of any successful relationship is open communication, and this is especially true when facing issues of intimacy. Misunderstandings can lead to feelings of rejection on one side and resentment on the other. To start a productive conversation, keep the following approaches in mind:
- Choose the right moment. Avoid discussing sensitive topics when either of you is tired, distracted, or already upset.
- Speak without blame. Use “I” statements to express how you feel without casting blame on your partner. For example, “I feel distant from you lately, and I miss being close” is less confrontational than “You don’t care about me anymore.”
- Be curious. Ask your partner about their feelings and experiences. “What’s been going through your mind lately?” can open the door to honest dialogue.
- Reassure your partner. Let them know this conversation is about finding a solution together, not criticizing them.
Approaching the topic thoughtfully ensures you both feel heard and respected, improving the chances of finding a path forward together.
Ways to Rekindle Emotional Intimacy
Physical intimacy stems from emotional closeness, so focusing on the emotional aspects of your relationship can often reignite desire. Here are some ways to deepen your bond without focusing on sex itself:
- Spend quality time together. Shared activities like cooking, traveling, or simply taking a walk can strengthen your emotional connection.
- Express appreciation. Compliment your partner or thank them for little things, like making coffee or being supportive of your interests.
- Try non-sexual touch. Holding hands, giving hugs, or cuddling can create a sense of closeness without pressure.
- Share memories. Reflect on meaningful moments from your past to rekindle warmth and fondness.
When your partner feels loved and secure outside the bedroom, they may be more open to reconnecting physically.
Practical Tips for Improving Physical Intimacy
If your partner is open to the idea of improving physical intimacy, gradual and gentle steps can make a big difference. Start small and focus on making the experience enjoyable and pressure-free for both of you.
- Schedule intimacy. While it might not sound romantic, setting aside specific times for intimacy ensures it becomes a priority amidst busy schedules or distractions.
- Experiment with touch. Take turns giving each other massages or exploring sensual but non-sexual touch. This can relieve pressure and help your partner relax.
- Focus on creating a mood. Set the scene with soft lighting, soothing music, or a calming environment to reduce stress and enhance relaxation.
- Communicate likes and dislikes. Explore ways to make intimacy enjoyable for both of you by discussing what feels good and what doesn’t.
- Use external aids. Products like lubricants, massage oils, or even educational materials can enhance physical intimacy and address discomfort or anxiety.
Taking the pressure off a specific end goal allows both partners to explore intimacy more freely and confidently.
When Medical Factors Play a Role
Sometimes, physical intimacy is hindered by medical concerns. If that’s the case, professional support becomes essential. Encourage your partner to see a healthcare provider, either alone or with you, to explore underlying issues and potential treatments.
Some medically related solutions could include the following treatments or therapies:
- Hormone therapy. For partners experiencing menopause or low testosterone, hormone replacement therapy can restore balance and increase libido.
- Medication adjustments. If a current prescription is affecting libido, a doctor may switch medications or adjust dosages.
- Pelvic floor exercises. For partners experiencing physical discomfort during intimacy, exercises to strengthen pelvic muscles can reduce pain.
- Sex therapy. Licensed professionals can help couples work through challenges like low desire, anxiety, or past trauma in a safe, supportive environment.
Working together to tackle medical challenges demonstrates your commitment to finding solutions as a team.
The Importance of Patience and Empathy
Rebuilding intimacy, whether emotional or physical, takes time and requires patience. Your partner may feel guilt, embarrassment, or anxiety about their lack of desire, which can cause them to shut down. Meeting these feelings with kindness rather than frustration can make all the difference.
Empathy can take many forms, such as acknowledging that you’re both doing the best you can, being willing to take baby steps, or offering frequent reassurance that your love and attraction to them isn’t conditional on sex. Respecting your partner’s timeline shows that you care about their feelings, not just the act of intimacy itself.
Redefining Intimacy for the Long Term
While sex can be an important part of a relationship, it’s not the only way to feel close to your partner. If your partner continues to struggle with low libido, it’s worth exploring new ways to define intimacy.
Some options to consider include:
- Physical closeness. This could mean snuggling while watching a movie, sharing a long hug, or even simply sitting near each other while reading.
- Mental stimulation. Bonding over intellectual activities like discussing a book, solving puzzles, or watching documentaries together can deepen your emotional connection.
- Shared goals. Working toward a common goal, like planting a garden or saving for a shared trip, can strengthen your partnership.
- Acts of service. Doing thoughtful things for one another, such as making their favorite meal or running an errand, demonstrates care and appreciation.
Redefining intimacy beyond the physical realm can ensure your relationship continues to feel meaningful and satisfying, even if sex plays a smaller role.
Finding the Balance That Works for Both of You
Whether your struggles with intimacy stem from physical, emotional, or medical issues, the key to a happy relationship lies in finding solutions that work for both partners. Improving intimacy is about more than re-creating your sex life—it’s about building a connection founded on love, trust, and mutual respect.
By opening up the lines of communication, showing empathy, and exploring alternatives together, you can create a relationship where you both feel happy, valued, and appreciated. It’s never too late to rediscover the joy of intimacy—on your terms.
